he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need to calm my uterus...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
