I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
