My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
