Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
