Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have to summon your inner elephant
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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