remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
