You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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