i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
