dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
