ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
