if i died would you start the facebook group?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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