somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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