I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
