I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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