took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
