I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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