how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
