u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
