i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
