she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
