I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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