You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
