I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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