i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
