My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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