We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's even glitter on my cock...
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