As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
