I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
