just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
