Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
