you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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