Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
