Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
