i don't like sucking hair
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
