he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
