OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
