oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
