Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
