Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
