This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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