Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
