In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
