After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
