took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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