The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
