I'm so fucking centered right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
