I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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