you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
