im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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