Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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