Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
