True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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